How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Q:

My girlfriend and I broke up.  It sucks.  If she would take me back, I’d get back with her.  She also sent this cryptic text about needing space.  What do I do to get her back?

A:

How to get your ex girlfriend back

Questions on getting back with ex girlfriends are THE MOST COMMON ones I get.  They normally have a few characteristic traits:

  1. The guy wants to get back together and his ex doesn’t want to/is ambivalent
  2. There is reference to a specific incident that caused the breakup
  3. The guy is looking for a remedy that can be used today: send a text, apologize, stand your ground and wait for her to call, etc.

Breakups can tear you apart if you let them.  So I want to share my answer.  I hope it lights a fire under your butt and helps you get back on top of the world.

First off . . .

Get honest about WHY you broke up

A lot of times guys will point to one blow up conversation that ended things.  They got in a big fight.  They said some stupid things.  If only they had chosen their words differently, they’d still be together with her.

I have some news.  If you think you and your girlfriend broke up because of one conversation, this is going to hurt.  But you need to hear it.

She didn’t leave because of that ONE THING you did.  It wasn’t that one argument. That stupid text.  Those mis-chosen words . . .

It is tempting to offload the burden of losing your girlfriend to a single, out-of-character interaction.  The answer is a cosmetic fix.  Send a text.  Apologize profusely.  Stay the same and she’ll see it was all just a fluke.

It wasn’t a fluke.  Don’t lie to yourself.  Women do not break up with fantastic boyfriends because of an argument or a few mis-chosen words.

Take responsibility.

She left because of who you are.  She doesn’t want to get back because you are not amazing enough to compel her to stay.

This is not a problem that gets solved with a text message.  You cannot change the core of your being in a single gesture.  So stop with the Hail Mary attempts.  You’re not coming back this late in the game with a single desperate maneuver.

Start working on bigger issues.  Like the gulf between the man you are and the man you want to become.  Like your self esteem and self confidence.

You have some work to do on yourself if you want to have healthy, lasting relationships with amazing women.  You need to build self-esteem.  You need to build social skills.  You need to build relationship skills.

And if you can give a good, hard look at yourself and admit that, you are a hero.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Pictured: You

Get real: why do you want to get back with her?

What is really driving you to want to get back with her?  Is it because she is the most special woman in the entire world, your one true soul mate?  Because out of the 3.5 billion women in the world, she is the most amazing, beautiful, perfectly matched woman for you?

Or is it because you secretly fear you don’t have what it takes to get someone else you really like?

If you’re being honest, it’s probably your fear.

Consider this: unless you’re meeting and dating other cool women during this period of singleness, your desire to date your ex comes from scarcity.  It’s one thing to want a woman back because you have picked her above a whole host of others.  Far more common: guys obsess over their exes and transform them into angels because they can’t meet other awesome women.

It’s all just a defense mechanism: pretend the one woman you know liked you is a goddess instead of risking rejection by getting back out into the dating pool.  It protects your ego, it coincides with rom-com plotlines, and it is total BS.

Don’t protect your ego.

Do the work

So you’ve gotten honest about your motivations and your feelings.  You know what’s driving them.  That takes tremendous courage.  Bravo.

Now it’s time to put in some hard work.

First, get out there and start being social again.  There is no reason to wait.  Force yourself to start conversations with women in bars or on the street.  This will help you in a number of ways:

  1. It will build self-confidence and self-esteem since you’re taking control of your dating life
  2. It will give you new reference experiences
  3. You may wind up meeting someone you like even more than your ex

Practice awesomeness.  What does that mean exactly?  Basically, everything it takes to become an improved human being and man.

Build self-esteem with 6 Pillars of Self Esteem.  Learn to get awesome with people with How to Win Friends.

Then go back to the drawing board and ask, “How can I become a more amazing man generally?

This might mean dedicating yourself to the gym, signing up for a martial art, enrolling in an improv comedy class, playing a musical instrument at an open mic night.  It might mean completing the 21 day no complaint challenge or even quitting your job and starting a business you love.  In addition to honing your social skills, I recommend doing at least one thing in all these areas

  1. Health (diet, gym, martial arts, meditation)
  2. Career (move jobs, ask for a promotion, quit)
  3. Inner Game (no complaint challenge, improv classes, read 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem)
  4. Skill acquisition (sing, play the guitar, learn PHP, whatever you like)

One of the most devastating things about a breakup is that you feel unloved.  Worse, unworthy of love.

Most guys will then go seeking the approval of other people.  They’ll beg their ex to love them again.  It doesn’t work like that.

If you want love and you want to be worthy of love go do things that will make you proud.  Become someone who you would love.  Become someone who you do love (that starts today, with a commitment to be your best self).

But I want MY ex girlfriend back!  Why is all this advice so general?

Asking how to get YOUR ex girlfriend back is a broken question.  I’m sorry, but it’s true.  It’s like when people ask what exercise to do to get defined abs.  Not gonna happen with 20% body fat.  Crunch all you want.

Similarly, you cannot cherry pick one woman to make fall in love with you (even if it is your ex).  You can only become a more awesome guy.  And then a LOT more people will like you.

This is the hardest thing for a lot of guys to accept.: There IS NO WAY to just go get your ex back.  Flowers, romantic gestures, promises things will be better . . . these might extend the relationship by a few weeks.  But it was already on life support and you’re just treating symptoms.

Resist the urge to romanticize this one woman as if she were your salvation.  Get to the root cause.  You.

Only when you’ve become a guy that is attractive to LOTS OF PEOPLE will you and your ex seriously stand a chance of getting back together.  By then, you’ll have built an amazing life for yourself and can decide if you want to 🙂

 


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88 Responses to “How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back”

    • Hay Russell breaux here im 25 shes 23 we luve together with her mom broke up about 2 months ago we have a two year old daughter she tells them shes done and she tells me the oppusute she just needs space she hangs with alot of guys iv spent the last two months begging for her back everything ur not suppose to do after a break up wht do i do

      • Hi Russel,

        Your Ex needs space to breathe. Definitely do not beg and plead with her or pressure her to take you back. That will make her feel trapped and she’ll want to distance herself from you even more.

        Instead of asking yourself a question that can make you feel lost and confused like “What do I do?”

        Empower yourself and ask:
        “What would the person I want to be DO in this situation?”
        Or
        “How can I be the best father and person in this situation?”

  • So much bullshit on the net these days, and this is right on point. The only way to actually live is to stop lying to yourself!

    • Sam,

      See this as a opportunity to take time for yourself. I know break ups can be devastating. But, it’s important that learn from your mistakes instead of dwelling in regret and self-pity. I mean, how does it feel that she doesn’t want you anymore? Terrible right? So do something about. Dust yourself off and get back out there. Being social and taking up new hobbies is a great start. If you want more help, subscribe to our email at the end of the article. For a short time we are accepting applications for FREE personalized Skype calls.

  • I have read a few other informative e-books such as this..this one is short, sweet, dead on. Never hurts to reinforce! Thanks for excellence!

    • Hate to be the bearer of bad news . . .

      Anytime a girl is breaking up for a time, she is unsatisfied and trying to do better, but wants to know you’ll be there if she can’t. She is basically treating you like an insurance policy. If she doesn’t find another guy, she still has you at the end of summer. If she does, sayonara.

      Again, the reasons she’s trying to get a different boyfriend can be traced back to you. So everything in the article still applies. Work on yourself, first and foremost. Learn to attract other women so you don’t feel such a scarcity when you’re relationship with one is threatened. It’s not an easy path, but it is hella worth it

    • Ooof tough break…just might be a good thing though. Take it as an opportunity to work on yourself and if the lines of communication do open up again, you’ll be in a much better spot

  • so my girlfriend just dumped me. weve ben dating for 2 years. i started seeing her when she got pregnant she was my first girlfriend to begin with and we had ben friends for 8 years. but her boyfriend left the second she got pregnant. And since i never stopped loving her , we started dating again. now 6 days ago she left me and she never wants to see me again. im not allowed to text or anything. but she will allow 2 calls a month that i can meet “my” daughter since she looks to me like a father. i really want her back and i cant imagine living my life without any of them. how do i handle that situation?

    • That’s a really tough situation, Adam. I don’t want to advise where I have no experience, and the truth is, I’ve never come across the complication of a child involved.

      I will say, it sounds like the bridge has been burned between you and your ex. Things won’t improve by spending more time chasing her. You truly have to step back and work on yourself. It’s like the what your hear on the airplane: get your oxygen mask on before assisting others. You can’t salvage the relationship until you are in a place of high self esteem and non-neediness.

      I’d recommend reading the 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem. It will help you come from a much stronger place in all your interactions

  • Hello Charlie,

    I really want to express my gratitude for the nice article and for your comments. I think you truly help people by being empathetic yet honest. Keep it up, I hope you’ll inspire more people and help them finding that they can kick ass if they believe in themselves and work on themselves.

  • Hey Charlie,

    The woman i love more than anything on earth broke up with me over something in the past when we weren’t together which I’ve told her the truth over and over again but she doesn’t believe me when i tell it to her she thinks I’m a liar. But i gave her space and everything so she can be alone we broke up about 6 months ago now also. Im her first love she is mine but now she has been texting me saying she is so in love with another guy and she is over me and everything but she calls me wants to know if I’m talking to women and everything like she still wants me but she swears she is in love with another guy. This breaks me down because when i love someone i give them everything.. i just want to know what to do?? I love her and was about to propose to her then this popped up… Whats your opinion??

    • Hey Alex,

      I know this must feel like shit. Consider 2 things:

      1) Despite telling her the truth, she doesn’t believe you. She doesn’t trust your word
      2) Despite breaking up with you and being with another guy, she has jealousy issues with you
      3) Despite insisting she loves her current BF she is still calling you all the time – how would that make YOU feel if you were him
      4) OR she is lying about this other guy, which would explain why she can’t believe that you are telling the truth

      I know you love this girl, but any relationship she has with you or anyone else has with her is going to be EXTREMELY unhealthy. Look at this list. Trust, jealousy, emotional infidelity (at least), and potentially lying. Being in a relationship with her will make you miserable in the long run. It’s going to sting like hell for now, but you are much better off without her.

      Now YOU need space. And she won’t give it to you. She doesn’t want you to heal, she doesn’t want you in another healthy relationship. So you have to set some hard lines for your own peace of mind and happiness. Tell her she can’t call anymore. She is dating someone else and it is bad for you. She doesn’t get to ask who you are seeing all the time. It’s none of her business. You need to cut this off so you can free yourself to love someone who WILL TRUST you, who WON’T have jealousy issues, and who WILL truly want you to be happy.

      If you feel like you need more support, I do Skype calls to get guys heads back in the right place after a breakup. One hour, $200 and we’ll get you empowered again. Email me and we can talk about setting a time up.

  • What do you do when she keeps saying she with another guy but when you talk about your relationship it hits her hard and she say she hates you for bringing it up like that shows there is no guy right???

    • Hey Alex,

      Try not to read into everything she says. It can make you go crazy and cause you to say or do things you wouldn’t ever say or do. Remember, you can only control what YOU do.

  • Hey Charlie great article, it was very informative!. By the way my gf of 3 years broke up with me cause she caught me in some lies, for example creating a Facebook behind her back. So she broke up with me cause she can’t trust, she say’s she hates me and that I’m not the right man for her. But when she talks to me she gets very emotional and starts crying. I’m going to give her space and work on myself like you said!. But my question is i have to see her once a month to give her my part of car insurance since were on the same policy and was wondering what should i say or do when i do see her *note(that i still want her back). Thanks for your time.

    • Hey Darryl,

      Big respect on your decision to give her space and work on yourself!

      You should keep your first interactions friendly and positive to show that you can be a man and that you respect her decision. She definitely still misses you so concentrate on working on yourself and everything will work out.

      Cheers,
      Henry

  • Hey Charlie,

    My girlfriend broke up with me 5 months ago i still love her and want her back. she said that she wasnt ready for a real relationship, her mom told me that she really loved me. But then over the time we werent dating she starts talking to two other guys over thoses 5 months. i am still good friends with her and her family. i post love quotes on twitter and she tells me to move on but i cant what should i do to get her back in my arms.

    thanks

    • Twitter won’t do it. I’m sure you can find people who will tell you differently, but my advice would still be to get to the point where you don’t feel a crippling need to get back with her. Work on yourself, get other awesome things going on in your life, meet new amazing women. If you want to date your ex from that position of abundance, you’ll be much more capable of it because you won’t be needy. But as long as you are begging and desperate it is going to be a near un-winnable battle

  • I’m going to admit that I am now having second thoughts on actually WANTING my ex back. What you said has made me more aware of my ignorance towards my current position. Thank you so much.

  • Nice post
    My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and I love her alot stil. I was very alpha for most of the relationship but I have issues with my health and business that made me very needy and weak towards the end. It was a weird break up. I went no contact and she contacted me 5 weeks after the break were she told me that no one ever turned her on in bed like I did and that she knows she will not be able to love like that again in the future. She then asked my if I would be willing to change if we gave a try to the relationship. I said yes and made her feel like she could be back with me anytime I also had tears in my eyes (@%#$ me) . We kissed that night and the next time we met she told me it was over for the moment and was very assertive. It has been 4 week and I am no contact. I am very very depress over this and I know exactly where I messed up in the relationship and have already changed but do not know how to prove it to her ….
    The problem Is with my health right now I am not in position to go dating or go to the gym (ms) so I feel my whole world crumbled under my feet.
    The worst part is if I had not take her for granted and listened and communicate more she would still be mine. She was very very clingy and her interest level in the relationship was always very high in the beginning for over a year.

  • You are absolutely right! Sometimes taking a step back and working on yourself is the best thing you can do. If i had not been dumped I would not have stumbled upon KA and would not haven given my self the ability to become the ALPHA MALE I can be. So in essence it was somewhat of a blessing! SO if I decide I want to try with her again I won’t be a needy wuss trying to bargain from a position of scarcity and will know how better to deal with her.Thanks Charlie!!

  • Alright so this one is a little messed up. About 6 months ago I traveled to Europe and met this girl in my home country. Things were great you know … we were both interested in each other and it really felt like things had fallen into place spontaneously like they should .. naturally. After a month, I had to leave and go back to school. 3 days later, her dad was hit by a car and was killed.

    This is where I think I went wrong. I told her I would try to make it to her prom in January although I never promised because I know better. Tickets to Europe aren’t cheap and I had no guaranteed income at the time. As it got closer to January, I had pretty much realized I would not be able to afford a ticket. So, we kind of agreed to stop talking and I figured since her dad died, she deserved a male companion to actually be by her side instead of selfishly keeping her for myself. So I told her maybe find somebody to go to prom with and maybe in the future things might work out.

    So now, I had decided to actually study in my home country in Europe. Finish school there and what not. I had this plan before but I just hadn’t acted on it until now. She took this other guy to prom, so when she told me she’s seeing this other guy because “she would rather I knew”, I realized what I had lost and started pouring my heart out to her and sending her roses etc etc etc. She tells me it wouldn’t be fair for her to not give the other guy a chance. She said maybe if I come back to Europe, we can get close again and see how it goes but for now, she will be seeing this other guy. After more begging and pleading, she finally just told me she’s going to be seeing him and that I took too long to make a decision. I told her she broke my heart and I realize I don’t have a shot anymore. That was the last thing I said to her.

    It’s been about 2 weeks since this happened, and since then I had deleted and re-added her on Facebook (immaturely) but haven’t said a word to her. She’s aware that I am going back to Europe in October to finish school. From what I can tell, things are going very well between them two. So, what are my chances and how should I act in this crazy messed up situation?

    Thanks.

    • So review the facts

      You dated for a month
      She met another guy
      She likes him
      Now she is dating him
      You send her tons of roses
      Now you are moving back to Europe at least in part to be near a girl with a boyfriend

      I’m not trying to be harsh, but you need to hear this: You are acting like this is the last girl on the planet. I bet you walk past at least one beautiful woman you’d be compatible with everyday. Yet you continue to pursue this one who is dating someone else. Who you truly don’t know that well.

      You have a philosophy of scarcity with regard to women. Otherwise, why not just start pursuing any of the others that are in your immediate proximity? This girl feels like the last one on the planet and it is tearing you up. Plus it makes you behave in a needy way and that turns her off further

      Good news: she isn’t the only one. Release yourself from the need to get her and start meeting new women. Get excited. It’s a huge world with amazing people, women who are single and would be great to date. If you just go after your ex (who is now taken) you’re setting yourself up for pain. If you force yourself to go after new, awesome girls, you’ll feel much better and become waaaay more attractive

    • Oh man no doubt … ahah I tend to over think and come to think of it, I probably never saw both sides of her … maybe the whole fact that she is European got me going but since I’m going back , I’ll find another ! thanks brother I just needed to hear it from a seasoned professional ! Its just that I feel like a liar .. so to speak .. because I tried so hard, how could I just get over it that quickly ? Do you see where I’m coming from?

      • You’re not a liar man. You pursued what you thought was best for you. Then you realized that it wasn’t and you changed course.

        You’re still allowed to like her and have positive feelings for her. You’re just also recognizing that it isn’t going to work out and that everyone will be happier and grow more if you dedicate yourself to being the best guy you can be AND to going out and meeting other amazing, single women

        • Well then tell me is it normal to feel that not many people can gain my trust the way she did ? It’s odd man . Like I said, it’s not hard for me to get women. But to actually find one I like, well that’s a different story. The job I work is long in hours and days and I have a lot of time for idle thought. Do you think I should just break off all contact with her ? or should I try to keep her as a friend … or will that just be ultimately destructive in the end?

        • And I guess I can’t help but feel like an idiot more than anything .. the fact that I went all out and now, she’s probably just laughing at how pathetic my attempt was. Kinda cut deep into my pride. Is that normal too? haha

          • It’s normal, but not healthy. I definitely recommend you read the 6 Pillar of Self Esteem. It will help you learn how to draw pride from things you control, not from other people’s perceptions of you. Book is a livesaver for many people

  • Great write up…just pretty much confirmed how i was feeling and ill continue on the path i was going, the thought is always there because its still fresh, just got out of a second attempt of dating a girl. first time was just great the puppy love stuff, no arguing just like we wanted, but then of course an ex came into the picture but the dilemma with this situation was is he was the father of her child a 2 yr old. we were fine one night, next day i instantly knew something was different, the texting became less often, no more i miss yous, etc… asked her what was goin on and got the “its just going to fast” line” she basically ended the relationship and i was upset yes but started to move on and told her we could try to slow down..i stopped contact for about a month on occasion she would talk but it was mostly short. one day she just called me out of the blue and said i need you in my life, well i guess the ex messed up and she came back to me, me being the nice guy that i shouldnt be i told her ok we can try again and we agreed slower this time and i said im fine with that. was ok for about a week lol, then same thing again, she lied about him the first time, it wasnt the too fast, it was him they were trying to get back together and it didnt work and she kept in touch enough to keep me as a option to go to. i had my blinders on at the time. the second time around she kept bringing his name up everytime we were on the phone or she came to visit, i finally told her to stop bringing him up its too much, and long story short she wasnt over him, i was strong and told her its not gonna work. it sucks to be in these positions where you still have feelings for someone, but if you stay positive and move on you can do it…think of the girl you dated before her if there was one…obv you got over that one since you tried with the other ex…like he says involve yourself with activities, don’t sit around and give your mind time to wander, dont try to stalk her fb, or anything just delete everything from that part of your life and you will see other opportunities come up. she didnt appreciate me and respect me enough to not bring the ex up so why would i want to go back to that again. i told her i don’t play with peoples emotions and i will never be someones option, i need someone who will be 100% committed to me and me only.

  • Hello Charlie,

    Great short and concise summarize this is! I now find myself in just such a situation.
    4,5 months ago I moved to where I am living now and was looking for a place to live.
    I moved in with two people as roommates. And as you can guess I fell in love and started a relationship with one of them. I am west European..she Japanese and she is a few years older then I am and she is also the apartment owner. …ads up doesn’t it? Anyway for like 3,5 months we hat a intense relationship. everything started off fine…both being very happy. Occassionaly we hat a fight (both of us being very stubborn) but managed to make up with each other everytime. Up until she hat enough and told me: we are not fit for one another. and that is where she broke up leaving me devastated for a couple of days. The whole thing was more awkward because we still kept seeing each other as roommates. After a hard blank look in the mirror at myself I decided I did not like myself like this and that I would smash that mirror into pieces. So I started working on myself…being more tidy, clean, went running, hang out with friends more etc. She did started to respond positive to my new attitude, suddenly being overly sweet and nice (playing with my hair, gentle touches and telling me her favourite words were: stupid-*my name*) but also saying that we would just be roommates. For me who held myself together for 2 weeks that was just to much and boy did I cry once she left the house. Then I made a decision. I could not live together with her like this. It was pure torture. I mean: ‘no I don’t want a relationship with you anymore’ and ‘yes, I do want you to stay my roommate’ doesn’t add up now does it? So the next day I confronted her and told her I was going to move out. Then she starts to cry and telling me that she doesn’t want me to leave. ‘What the hell?!’ im thinking but also: ‘Aha, finally some emotion’. Next day she comes up with reasons why it might not be practical to move out yet and that I probably will not find a better place. At the same day I did find another place close by and later told her I would be leaving soon. Now contact between us is on surface-level…mainly being polite to one another. Soon I am going to move out and there are still a thing or two not talked over yet. Also im wondering..what after I moved out? Will she start missing me and try to contact me? And if she does how will I respond and what to do?
    I already made my mind up that should she suddenly want me back that I will not move in again. Why do something over that didn’t work? Besides of that we won’t have the roommate-roomowner issue in our relationship but be equals. But I don’t know. Im choosing for myself right now and will act to it. If she realizes she misses me well then we need to talk at one point. I still have feelings for her after all and can’t ignore that aslong as I have them. Question is: will she miss me that much that she wants me back?

    • So your relationship has a bad pattern of you guys fighting. But when you focus on yourself, improve, and indicate you might leave, she suddenly gets super sweet. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she has grown or that the relationship could work at this point. She is still being very manipulative and is not giving love freely in her interactions with you. The catch is, that when she feels like she is going to lose you for good, she puts on a smiley face, shows emotion and gets real sweet.

      Given that she hasn’t grown, I don’t think getting back is the right call. But since you have demonstrated a lot of attractive qualities in focusing on yourself and cutting the cord, she may try to get back with you. To me, that seems like a bad idea though, given what a catalyst for growth breaking up has been

  • well my ex and i split up 2 weeks ago and i had preordered flowers for her for vday and i forgot lol she recieved them and told me thank you and i told her i do miss her and all she sent was a smiley face i was like wtf. any way we split up over me feeling like i was being used and she had no time except for her business and she wanted me there with her helping. Just wasnt my thing. I mean there was good qualities but i was to damn blind to see she wasnt ready due to her business struggling and that is all she had time for. well we had gotten into a huge fight. and i left. Silly thing is i would love to get her back. Just no clue how. I mean i can move on and easily find another woman but something tells me to try for her. any suggestions?

  • Hello charlie

    i just need a lil advice i read the article and everything and understand it. but i would like to know, on what to do. Me and my ex dated 7 years ago and was together for 7 months, then broke up because she have a strict father and she was also very young at the time. but since then we start talking out of the blue saying we miss each other and all that things even when she was with other guys but never serious. she said that she always had feelings for me and will always but we never dated always said maybe we should try but end up just leaving things till 2 years and 3 months ago when we took a chance to try. her father was at first not fond of the idea, but other time came to like me, til the point where her parents would introduce me to other family as their son in law. things was great between me and my ex, after all its the girl i always ended up going to or trying to be with.

    but now we broke up after 2 years and 3 months, 3 days ago. there wasnt a fight in the last conversation we had, the break up conversation. one of the things she told me is that she still love me she love me very very much and still cares, but shes just not inlove with me anymore. 2 days ago before the break up things were fine, but our relationship was a bit rocky in the past weeks i even gave her space. her aunt thats only year older then me and lives opposite me said that when she spoke to my ex she was excited for all the dates that was i taking her on, and then she just said that we should leave things but hope we can still be friends cause we were always good friends. i just agree to the things as broken as i was. her parents and family was all in shock of the news and said that i should maybe just give her some space and time just to get her head straight. some clothes of mine is still at her place and rings etc. she havent said or ask i must come fetch it yet, also on instagram photos of us is on there on her profile, havent removed it yet. and i admit that we did fight and alot the times it was my fault but i was things such as she smokes and stuff and what kind of boyfriends would let a beautifull girlfriend do that if he doesnt smoke. i havnt spoken to her since we decided to leave things.

    what would you say or recommend or think of this bot of information.

    Kind regards

  • Hey Man I realy liked this. can you pleese email me with more advice and maybe 1 on 1 help me out with my ex

  • Hi.
    My ex girlfriend and I broke up 3 months ago, for a few weeks we used to avoid each other, sometimes I couldn’t even look at her face or talk to her properly, but even during that time we would get intimate. We live together, and we share the same room (now she’s changing rooms). We are now on a 3 month vacation from college so we’ll not see each other that often… last time we were together (last week) we slept together and we got intimate, just like during the last week we were in college (three weeks ago) and we used to get intimate and sleep together some other days after the breakup. Now we text each other we talk about random things, we don’t talk about getting back, she doesn’t want that and she doesn’t want me to talk about it. She is depressed and has been for like 5 months and she feels she’s not right for me. When we are together, most of the time it doesn’t even feel like we’re not dating anymore. A mutual friend told me that she told her that I am the love of life but she can’t be with me it makes me feel worse, I want her back and I’m willing to wait, but it scares me because we don’t live at the same town and she sees her ex boyfriend every day, she says he is very important to her but they are just friends but still she’s with him every day and I can’t be with her. Still we are going to see each other next week. For what I know she does love me, but not being with her is killing me and I don’t know what to do to get her back.
    Any help?
    Sorry for this confusing text.
    Thank you

    • Beatriz,

      Sounds like you are stuck in a difficult place. On one hand you guys have ended the relationship but on the other you are still intimate. This will cause many jealousy and trust issues because neither of you are committed.

      The most important thing right now is to communicate the boundaries of the relationship. Figure this out first and then act appropriately:

      Are you guys dating exclusively?
      Are you friends with benefits?
      Are you broken up?

      You need clarity and closure on your relationship so you can get unstuck and move forward in your life.

  • hello charlie,my girlfriend doesn’t want to date me again and has told me to move on cos she has move on with her life now and is now and is now dating some else. All because my blood brother and one of my friends told her that i have been sharing with them what i do with her in private. She says they told her that i told them she begs me for sex and also to suck me. She got so much upset. I have apologize to her that i didn’t do it but she doesn’t believe me . I have done everything a guy will do show i still love but still she doesn’t want to get back to me. Is been close to 5months but she still doesn’t want us to get together, i love her so much that i can’t see her go. Am short of ideas i need ur help. Thanks

    • Sedrick,

      First, I would find out why your “friend” and brother is spouting lies about you. Anyway, It doesn’t matter if your ex believes you or not. She has moved on and told you to do the same. She has another person in her life. Give her space and use this as an opportunity to grow and work on yourself.

  • Dude this is a really good article…

    My girlfriend of about only a month broke up with me , 3 days ago. She said “I think you like me more than I like you. & its not fair in a relationship. I look farther down the road in our relationship & i just dont want it. I don’t think I can reach that “love level” with you. I did like you, but after a couple weeks it didn’t seem like the relationship was going anywhere.” -how can you tell where a relationship is going only after a couple of weeks??? she was genuinely interested in me & we talked every day for over a month & then out of the blue just broke up with me after she ignored me the night before the break up while I saw her keep logging onto facebook….

    It was the strangest break-up I’ve ever had. I’ve never broken up out of a relationship when things were going well…. was she just putting on a mask while we were dating???…. She said she tried developing feelings for me but she just couldn’t… But her actions 100% prove otherwise… she could never keep her hands off of me!!!

    • I really recommend reading Models by Mark Manson. Your girlfriend was right about at least one thing: You liked her way more than she liked you. She was ready to separate, meanwhile you’re super aware of if she has logged into Facebook. Mark identifies the kiss of death early in relationships: being needy. I recommend the whole book for more detail, but it sounds like this relationship was doomed because of neediness. Check it out, I think you’ll find it really illuminating

  • Hi , me and my gf broke up last week , and I regret it cuz I’ve wasted all her love , we work on a same company together , and she’s ignoring me , I didn’t do anything after out break up , damn I hate my pride , and now I regret all the days I’ve wasted , I’m still texting her everyday , like once/day , like goodmorning.. take care.. or did u take ur lunch , later on I receive a message from her saying that please stop texting me , don’t pretend u care cuz I really don’t care, get ur own life , and I said I’m not pretending and this is how I really feel and I said I’m sorry , and she says stop it , it’s over , I’m planning to apologize to her tomorrow with the help of her best friend and some of my friends, I’m not expecting that we’ll be together again or she’ll forgive me that easily , I just want to prove that I really love her and I don’t want her out of my life , Am I doing it right? thanks…

    • Bon,

      The best thing you can do to earn her respect back and more importantly your own respect and stop contacting her everyday. I know it’s tough for you right now especially because you work in the same company. Still, constantly texting her, trying to talk to her friends or begging and pleading with her to take you back is desperate and needy behavior and she has no choice but to distant herself from you.

      If you want to get some your nagging questions answered, we are offering a FREE skype call for a limited time. Click on the image in sidebar to enter your email. I’ll send you one email with the directions.

      Cheers,
      Henry

  • Hey Guys,

    My GF (we are both 24) of 11 months broke up with me 4 days ago saying she needed a 2 weeks of no contact and maybe we can be friend and we will see what happens after. She was crying her eyes out as she did it saying that she loved me but she feels like we value different things and she doesn’t trust me to tell her things (because I have a hard time opening up and talking about my problems at work etc. and sometimes i focused on her being my only place of happiness (don’t like my career direction, job). I am working my butt off in these 2 weeks to be a better guy and love myself (been hitting the gym hard, got a trainer and applying to law school to change what im doing) but I really believe this is the girl I want to marry and cannot picture living without her. She said she still loves me and while breaking up i could still make her smile when i made a joke to get her to stop crying. Any suggestions how I should proceed in these weeks/ after the 2 weeks?

    • Hey Ray,

      A few things:

      1) Definitely respect the no contact for 2 weeks. Give her and yourself space to think things out (Don’t get drunk and start texting her)

      2) You guys broke up for a reason

      The point of the no contact is not to say “Hey, look I did what you said and now we should get back together right?”

      Use the time to destroy some bad habits and create better ones. For instance, you don’t want your ex to be the only source of happiness in your life because that’s a ton of pressure on her. It will make you emotionally unstable and probably one of the causes of your break up. Use the time to recommit to what’s most important in your life. Congrats on deciding to go back to school, that’s a step in the right direction. Push yourself socially. Go to the bar or club with friends. Go on a date and remember what it’s like to fun, happy and outgoing. Start writing in a journal or playing an instrument.

      3) You might find that you are better off going separate ways. Continue to push toward your life goals and ambitions and understand that she might not contact you after 2 weeks.

  • Hi,
    I know what all you guys are going thought, all of us have experienced it..Right .there always one girl that captures ur full attention like no other girl..even thought I dated couple of them…
    You see I made all mistakes the during post breakup like flowers, pleading, I’m was going to change ect..

    the funny think is that I knew what i was doing is wrong but could not stop my self because my brain was focused so much on her , that I lost my self in the process of relationship, work and family , had problems on every angle
    ,It felt like if was cornered from all angles and I was getting fired upon..

    I became so weak and she held all the power, u could say she had me all wrapped around her middle finger…and she knew it.. Used me and dumped

    After the breakup I was left devastated and depressed. Trying to dust my self of the ground ,while she went out a faked other dudes and went out with them just to get me jealous…

    U see thats where I really became self aware…snapped back , flipped all tables around

    She is just like any other woman out there don’t ever put them on pedestal, her vigaina is not made of gold…
    Don’t ever loss ur power as man,always be alpha don’t give a flaying fark and don’t get influenced by other people thought or decisions , if they lie/ cheat punish them automatically kick them to curb.. It’s over 4 good , no second chances..
    Finally remember to value and respect ur self to walk away from anything…

    Here is what worked 4 me.

    1. Backed off /stopped all contact with ex , delete number face book , collect all stuff like jewellery, photos and other stuff put in the box and give it to ur family or friend to keep 4 while… So u don’t get reminded of her…

    2. Do not stalk her or check her Facebook, every time u do fell like doing it Talk Your Self Out and every time u think of her -count till 10 and shift ur thought somewhere else positively eg, having piña coladas with naked woman, happy thought only..
    2b. You have to accept the breakup and to forgive both of you . It’s really important
    3. Work on ur self improve to be better man
    4. Sign up for gym membership or sports and improve ur image/ confidence
    5. Start going out and socialising with people and realise ur awesomeness 🙂
    6. Start dating or have one night stands.. You will quickly forget abt her trust me..

    Never forget that Your are the selector , you choose who u date or fark , and not them (women).

    If you do this successfully she might came around well mine did, told her kindly to fark off , was already seeing another woman.. And if SHE ever stumbles across is post she can get farked once more….

    Hope this helps and Good luck

    Peace out ppl.. 🙂

    Kind regards

    Jacob

  • Last sunday (Aug 3rd) my girlfriend of over 4 years broke up with me. We’ve been dating since June 2010. She is 20 and I am 21. She means the world to me. Theres nothing that can even explain how much this girl means to me. I bought her a one way ticket to where I live (Chicago) for her birthday. She lives in Virginia. We both go to school in Florida and love visiting clearwater beach almost every weekend. The past 4 years my life revolved around her and even though she’s not with me right now my life still revolves around her. She made me a better boyfriend, brother, son, and student. All I wanted is for her to be happy. When she broke up with me she kept telling me that she didn’t see the happiness she sees in other girls who get married in herself. She also told me that she thinks that we both want different things.

    The reason I went to Florida is because I love the ocean. I love water. So thats where I find comfort. And thats the same exact reason my girlfriend is in Florida as well. I usually go to Honeymoon Island where is less crowded and watch the sunset and just reflect. I live near Chicago and we don’t have anything that is even close to what FL beaches have to offer but its what I got. So I’ve been going to the lake and really thinking, self-reflecting, mediating and praying for guidance and strength. And though all my meditations I cannot see myself with another person beside her. She IS the one for me. No matter how hard Ive tried to think about “life after her”, I cannot come to the conclusion that I can move on. As I did more thinking and mediating, I realized that though out of our 4 years together we both have the exact same wants and needs in our life. Yes not EVERYTHING is the same but the major factors that can make or break a relationship (location of residence, family, etc) was all the same. We both wanted the same for each other. And not even a few days before last Sunday she kept telling me how happy she is and that I am the perfect guy which made me really believe that everything was going perfect.

    I cannot sleep or eat because all I can think about is her. And when I try to just forget about her and hang with friends, even then there is always a connection or a reminder that I see that reminds me of her. I get super depressed and I cannot focus. Lately Ive been feeling like the biggest bitch in the world. Usually I try to just let things go but everything in my body keeps telling me that “don’t give up on her”. And honestly I don’t want to give up. But I’m just stuck because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I can do to get her back. She means more to me than anything else in the world, and I would do anything to have her back.

    After a few days of only small talk she texted me saying “Can we talk face to face when we get back to college.”

    This is my last year in college. Some guys would just say fuck it and go bang other girls and move on. But I won’t because there is nothing more that I want than to be by her side. Im lost and confused and broken hearted. I’m really struggling here. days feel like weeks to me. I’m desperately in need of some advice, wisdom, and knowledge.

    • Noel,

      Right now your biggest fears is coming true:

      1. Your identity as a boyfriend, lover and man is being challenged

      2. You’ve lost someone that is close to you.

      You need to decide what YOU will do next… Because that is the only thing YOU can control

      Will you face the fear and insecurities and invest in yourself?
      Will you grow from the break up?
      Will you learn how to connect and be social again?

      Or

      Will you replay moments in your head?
      Beg and plead with her to take you back?
      Get depressed and wait until you can talk in person to dump all the pent up frustration, depression and “love” on her?

      The second road is easy… anyone can beg someone to take them back… Anyone can get depressed… Anyone can decide to stay the same

      The first road is tough… your going to have to grow… to socialize.. to talk to other girls…. to realize you can THRIVE on your own.

      You have to decide

  • Hi,
    Messy one here.
    Long story short, been together 5 years on and off. She left 5 times and came back. I’m 36 & she’s 35. Spoke about getting weddings and family, moving out together, met each other’s families, the whole lot!
    2 months ago she decides that she’s not happy anymore and calls it quits! We were a couple of weeks away from moving into a new house together. We sorta kept talking and texting up until a week ago. She kept saying that we’re on or off, and ever time I said we’re on, she would say no. Two weekends ago, I go and see her and we have a coffee and then go for a drive to a local lake, she keeps telling me that she’s never coming back to me again, because she wasn’t happy. Anyway fast forward 1/2hr and we’re kissing passionately! She then says to me, “oh, that must mean that we’re on again”?! I told her that I didn’t want to rekindle the relationship we had, because there was obviously a reason for the break up. I said it would be better if we took it easy and hung out, and see what happens?! She didn’t like that and rang me later that night to tell me to never call her again, because she had made up her mind. The following morning, I received a text asking if we’re still talking? I said yes, but by this time, I was a bit confused by what had happened the day and night before. A couple of days ago, she sent me a text saying, “so is this final”? To which I didn’t reply, and then she rang me 6 times in a row, which I didn’t answer. Later that night she rang me to see if I was ok? I told her to leave me alone, and stop playing games. She immediately deleted and blocked me on Facebook and changed her mobile number, so I can’t contact her. She then emailed me the following day to say sorry that she had been with another man, guess it wasn’t meant to be!? Now, I don’t believe that she’s been with anyone else, because she certainly wouldn’t tell me, but the fact that she could say that, sort of tells me something! Even still, I love this woman totally and unconditionally, but I can’t work out what to do? My only way of contact is through email, which is ridiculous, but if she’s gone to that extreme, I guess there’s nothing I can do to change the situation, or is there? As a side note, the week we split, I picked up her engagement ring, that she sort of knows about but didn’t know I picked it up. Am I being silly, thinking that a woman that could do all those things would seriously have ever wanted to marry me, or still does? I’m interested to hear any advice or opinions?! Thanks!

    • Hey,

      First I’ll address your question “Am I being silly, thinking that a woman that could do all those things would seriously have ever wanted to marry me, or still does?”
      – No, your not silly. She certainly still might want to marry you…HOWEVER, her actions speak volumes to the sort of “love” you can expect in a committed relationship.

      I get the impression that your ex acts very immature and irrational because its her way of controlling the situation…. She plays games, blocks your number and Facebook out of spite and makes up lies about other men to make you feel bad. All tell-tale signs of her own insecurities…

      That being said, my opinion is that you are probably better off in a relationship that is not so emotionally unstable… I would advice you to go “no contact” for sometime… If she asks, tell her you need space and time to think things out. Hopefully she can respect your wishes… Use the time to reflect on what’s important to you and your life… If you could connect with hotter, cooler women, is your ex still the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?

      Do some of the things the article above suggests too.. Go out and be social, learn a new skill, play guitar, go hiking, meet new people, go on dates…

      IF you do reconnect make sure you avoid the same patterns of the previous relationship by setting boundaries and rules while promising to communicate with each other.

      Hope this helps,
      Henry

      • Hi Henry,

        Thank you for your reply.

        I guess first off, you’re right about her actions. During one of our past break ups, she’s even gone so far as to tell me to go to hell. And yet a month or two later, she decided to come back?! This time feels different though, she sent me this email the other day….
        ” I must tell you. I have a real problem with you feeling like I have
        something against you all the time. If you wanted to talk to a
        professional about it, I’m happy to come with you for support.. but let
        me assure you it’s not going to change the situation between us.”

        Hence, why I don’t believe she’ll be coming back this time. My problem is, even though she displays signs of insecurity and can be down right nasty sometimes, deep down I love and miss her like she’s still a part of my life. I understand that I need to heal, for myself more than anything, and also, for the 1% chance that she may come back one day. I told her that I wouldn’t want to start where we left off, that relationship would be dead, and we would have to start again. The only way to do that is to get over the old relationship. I think it may take some time for her to do that, but I will not be waiting around for that to happen. She told me clearly that she was going to move on and I will be doing the same. I’ve actually started reading “you can heal your life” by Louise Hay which has been great for lifting my spirits, and loving myself again. Anyone feeling the effects of a relationship breakdown and the low self esteem should definitely invest in this book.
        Thanks again for your words Henry, very much appreciated.

        Keep up the good work!

        • A-nono-mouse,

          If you are looking for more reading definitely check out “The 6 Pillars Of Self-Esteem” and some of the other books mentioned in the article 🙂

  • Well here is my situation – I started dating this girl 10 months ago right after her break up with her last boyfriend. Actually we started dating before they had even broken up. But everything was going smoothly; I am a really and I mean really kind person and I treated her really special. Everything was going so well I thought this wasn’t possible. Too good to be true, right? So after the 6th month I had to go to the US to work and travel for the summer ( I am from EU ) and we were really sad but we were still making plans for after I come back from the States and how everything is going to be all good and we are going to be happy etc. What really happened is – she started acting weird a little bit before I came back. She wasn’t writing me that much on Facebook anymore, less “I love you” lines which really got me thinking ( well, I was actually foooling myself as I thought that will pass or she is not in the mood these days… She actually really wasn’t but I was the reason ) So 3 days ago she came to visit me ( we study in the same city and same university but she was away from her home town because ((which was the town where we both studied)) she had a summer job and she worked close to where MY hometown is. So on the 4th day after i had come back we finally got the chance to meet when she was not at work and she just came to visit me in my home town. After we spent the whole day together, all my worries dissapeared. I thought I was worrying for no reason and it was all butterflies and rainbows. NO. We would usually have this thing to say “I love you” right after “talk to you soon” after we finish a phone call and yesterday she just didn’t say it and we always say it, as stupid as it sounds… it was our thing. I called her 2 mins later with some questions in mind to keep up a conversation for more than 2-3 mins just to see if she didn’t say it on purpose. Second time – no “I love you”… just same old “talk to you later” and that made me feel terrible. I texted her i wanted to talk and that something is wrong and we can’t keep this going like that. I meant it in good way, we can always fix something in a relationship right? I mean if we both loved each other. She replied “I want to talk to you too”. This was the text that made my heart go as if I had jumped off an airplane and both my parachutes had failed me. I instantly called her and asked her if she REALLY wanted to be with me or not. The answer was devastating for me – “I need to talk to you about that”. This just almost crushed me on the inside. We started talking and she explained to me that the feelings are just not the same; that feelings change and given the time that i was gone and distance she had from me, made her realized she felt a lot better having her own freedom.”I just felt free” she said. We both didn’t cheat with anyone but she said she feels better alone now and she doesn’t want anyone. She said when she saw me the other day the feelings weren’t the same as before. She just did not feel the happiness of seeing me like last time we were away ( winter break – about 3 weeks). “We are just not right for each other” – words no guy wants to hear from his beloved right? Well imagine how i felt yesterday. “You will find a better one than me, trust me”, she said. I told her that i still loved her but she kept on saying she didn’t feel the same way anymore. I explained that I would be devastated for a long time but she just kept on saying it is going to pass really fast and I am going to find a really better girl than her.
    We are supposed to go to a concert in 2 days and bought her a ticket (before we broke up of course) and we are still supposed to go together as i dont know “friends”. At least thats what I said. Should I talk to her about something or what am I supposed to do? I can’t believe I love that girl so much. Distance and time did not change a thing for me. I could have had sex with 5 girls while in the US and same goes for her but we both didn’t… Doesn’t that mean anything… Please tell me what you think ASAP !!!

  • Hi Henry,
    Thanks so much for that post. It helped me out in a bad place. But, if the person I spent 9 months with, and who told me she loved me and couldn’t imagine life without me, doesn’t miss me, then who will? That’s been an enormous source of self-deprecation for me.

    • Hi Psyren,

      A couple things:

      1. Your ex misses you. (but will resent you if you don’t give her space to breathe)

      2. Think about the questions you just asked… It’s extremely disempowering. Of course you feel shit when you ask:

      “(If she) doesn’t miss me, then who will?”

      The answer you get from a question like that is:

      “If she doesn’t then no one will miss me, I’m worthless”
      Or
      “No one, because I’m not worthy of love.”
      etc.

      Try asking empowering questions instead. It’ll break your pattern of feeling depressed. Change your focus. You’ll feel better, you’ll re-gain control of your emotions and it’ll get you out of that bad place.

      For ex:
      “How can I make the most of this situation?”
      “What would the type of man I want to be in 5 years do right now?”

  • My EX broke up with me 5 months ago and it was because I was like whatevers with her at the start we lasted 7 months together and the only reason I acted that way was because I didn’t know if we were gonna last, like I said we
    Stoped talking for those 5 months and barley yesterday she texted me saying she wants to have sex and that she wants mr bck but the problems is her family dosen’t like me and I do not know what to do, I really need your help

    • Hey Joe,

      I don’t have a full understanding of your situation but it sounds like you were fine without her. Figure out what’s best for you in the long run. I recommend asking yourself ” What would the type of man I want to be 5 years down the road do in this situation?”

      That question will change your focus and help guide your actions.

      Cheers,
      Henry

  • I dated a girl for around a year, I broke up with her on and off and pressured her into giving up her virginity, I was also a virgin, I broke up with her countless times and then apologized mintues later, I also said some things about her body, that I found flaws in, I know how wrong I was and have almost been to the point of completely losing it, since we’ve been broken up for nearly 5 months and we’ve spoken maybe five times but she would get upset because I talked about relationship stuff every time, I finally decided to stop and I called even though I know her job is very stressful this time of year she didn’t answer and text me the next day saying she was very busy and I hoped I was okay, she has told me she doesn’t know if she can trust me again and will not say there is or isn’t hope but says I never said never, I’ve been waiting five months and her hell job is almost over and hopefully summer will bring a new attitidue, but I’m afraid I’ve pushed her to far or she wants to date other people first because her therapist thinks it’s a good idea, we lost or v cards together and are each other’s first true love I have overcome my immaturity but she still isn’t ready for anything, what is she waiting for, to completely get over me so she can open up to someone else keeps me on the hook because she doesn’t want to destroy me?
    What???

  • Great article guys, and a question for you on my current situation.

    Girlfriend of 6 years left me a little over 3 months ago. Our last year had been a little rough as we had become too comfortable, lost a lot of excitement and stopped challenging ourselves to be better.

    Since the breakup, I’ve put in a lot of work to make myself better. The breakup hurt like hell and I let her know how much I regretted letting us fall apart, but I never begged or groveled for her back. Instead I channeled my sadness into fixing all the things I hated about myself at the time. I’ve sought out help for a gambling problem, calmed down the drinking and gotten into better shape. We still talk semi-often, mostly through text or when we run into eachother at a bar or event.

    I’ve gone on dates with a few women now and slept with a couple. There’s even one girl I’ve seen 5+ times, but no matter how much I try none of these other girls match the feelings I had with my ex. I know it’s still early in being single, but its getting harder and harder to drown out the voice that says it might not jsut be me panicking. Maybe we did have something special that could be worth fighting for.

    About a week and half from now she’s leaving for a 3 month Masters program in New York. I’ve asked her to get dinner one last time, just her and I, before she leaves. Am I wrong to let her know that while I won’t ask her to make a decision now and I wont be sitting around waiting, I’d love to give us another shot when she’s back if neither of us have found something new by then? I want to let her know that while I respected her decision to take some time herself and never begged, I also never stopped wanting her.

    In all reality I assume I should wait until she gets back to see how I feel and see where she stands before making this proclamation, but I don’t want her to leave without once telling her how I feel.

    What do you think?

  • Long story short, I met this girl and fell head over heels in love. We have been together four years. We moved in together almost two years ago. I asked her to marry me about two months later. During this time, I have stayed in contact with my ex-wife in just a friendly way, however, I kept this a secret from my fiancé. Well, she found out about six months ago and flipped out and asked me to move out. I did and begged her to take me back. After a few days or so, she agreed to start seeing me again. Now, about ten days ago, she broke up with me again and said it weighing on her mind all the time and she has thought about it and wants to break up. The difference was with the other breakup, she still texted me and said things like, “you just lost the best thing you’ll ever have”, etc. This time, I can barely get her to text me or anything. First few days she was very quiet, then she started ignoring me, then for two days she texted me like old times, then on Friday I wake up and she texts me that I am contacting her to much and she is unhappy about it. I say I won’t contact her anymore and I stopped. Well, Saturday night, she starts texting me asking me what I am doing, etc. This went on through Sunday, now here is Monday and she has gotten quiet again. I feel like I am dying. I did something stupid and nothing is working. She said, “No flowers, no cards, stop it.” Help please.

  • my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up wit me 5days ago without no reason. she is a Muslim Y I’m a christian. she said that her mum said that she cannot date christian and I converted to Muslim because of her. this girl love me so much bt she changed to me before even broken with me. if I tell her I want to see her, she we tell me we can’t see. if I tell her I love u she will not reply me. so with dis I decided not to call her for 4days just to see weda she will call me back bt she didn’t call me. so I decided to call her bt she refused to pick my call nd text me back dat she have d person she’s dating now. yesterday she call me and I pick it bt she didn’t say anything.please I need ur advice because I so much love her and I want to get her back.

  • So my ex and I broke up last July. We didn’t talk for a few months. We have been talking now since February, the last time we hung out she brought up marriage. Which doesn’t bother me, I always said I would eventually marry her. I’m just trying to date her again and take it from there. What advice do you have?

  • I have been with this special lady for 2 years and it has been wonderful..this a lady who admits she can never leave without me..we broke up for a reason and that was i was physically abusive twice during our 2 year glory moments..shes a very down to earth person..but before the physical encounter..i started seeing some changes of her txting her ex who really ruined her life she said..i was very upset and couldnt control mu anger n pain..so i wrongfully physically assulted her..after that she asked me to move out which i did the same day..also she had a friend call me to tell me to move out before she even said it her self..im really in love with this lady..i have never cheated on her..since then i have not applied the no contact rule yet..but she keep calling me to see whats up with me..sometimes u ignore her calls and txt and sometimes im forced to respond..we have talked on the phone about 10 times since the breakup and its been about 3weeks to a month now..is it too late to apply NC. Or just play ot slow and answer her when i feel like..she do tell me she care n love me but dont want to go thru wat we had before which i open up to admit..shes not dating anyone now but she is going out with male friends she claim are just friends…today she called me 3 times around 4am and asked if she was in my way by contacting..i told her she not in my way but im a very busy guy now trying to find myself for the right one…she knows my starting school soon. And i have 2 jobs..she said she dont advice me to take on 2 jobs because its a lot of work on me and she cares thats why she dont want me to burn myself out and even if i do take the 2 jobs i wont have time to see anyone and if it happens that we get back together i wont even have time to see her..i then respectfully n calmly told her i hear her and hanged up the fone..she then called right bacm m asked if i hanged up on her n i yes because we was done talking m she said we will talk later..i did make it clear to her i dont want to be her friend n that i can make friends easily as she knows..so i dont want to be in the friendshil zone which she agreed to but still call me..what do i do and what are my chances.

  • Im wondering if anybody can help me through my situation. I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I want to get back with her, i need good coaching and advice. She is at college(an hour away from where we both live, we are both freshmen this year). She broke up with me the first week she left. She claimed i was super clingy and the embarrassing part is I know I was and I am fixing it. She claims to have found another guy, but her sisters who really want us to get back together said that she is only friends with this guy. They said she hasn’t been herself since she left. I have not contacted her since then. It was on Aug 20th when we broke up. We dated for 3 weeks but we were really great friends for quite sometime and we have had a couple of run ins where we bumped heads previously and we forgave each other. I was wondering if anybody can help coach me to win her back in 4 weeks. I have not contacted her since the breakup.

  • Hello

    Thanks for the article !

    Indeed it’s very important to prepare actions when looking to get back with an ex. A lot of mistakes are made because we want to do it too quickly; but with the no contact period and a serious work out, finding the words to explain the break up to an ex is easier. Going fast is not what you want, it ‘s better to take your time and ask the right questions.

    Adrian

  • Asking how to get YOUR ex
    girlfriend back is a broken
    question. I’m sorry, but
    it’s true. It’s like when
    people ask what exercise
    to do to get defined abs.
    Not gonna happen with
    20% body fat. Crunch all
    you want.

  • So I have been following every step and it is an amazing feeling… I’ve never felt less at war with myself blaming myself that she left. It’s been months and I find myself thinking of her little and little. And start thinking of finding my happiness not within another woman but something I enjoy. And I have been attending University for psychology and I’ve met this girl that is the girl I’m looking for. And as faith would have it, she was looking for me 🙂 I thank you so much for changing not only the way I make myself feel but everything around me!

  • Break ups are hard. No one wants to go through them, and yet millions of people are dealing with them on a regular basis. If you want to avoid the issues that are related with breaking up with someone, you are not going to be able to do it. There’s no way to avoid it. If it’s going to happen, it will, and you will be left out cold. Now, there are ways that you can change things up. In fact, you could learn how to get your ex back. This is something that a lot of people will no doubt want to chase, and it starts with changing. You will need to change a bit, or else you will not get anywhere.

  • Hmm it seems like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long)
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