Stubborn people wont change shit about themselves. They insist that every bad habit is just part of who they are. When they’re rude to waiters. Part of who they are. When they hit on girls like total creepers and then laugh about it like they didn’t actually want to do well. Part of who they are.
We all know somebody like that. The person who has been told a hundred times that if they would just do X differently, they’d be much better for it. But they don’t change, quoting the absurd cliché: “That’s just me. And I’m not going to change who I am”– as if being incompetent, rude, irrational, or just plain douchey were in some way essential to their being.
We know better though. The noble rationalization is a crock. They persist in their ways because they are stubborn and because they are cowardly.
I don’t care what it is, identifying with any specific trait, whether it be your reuse of jokes from a favorite movie, your unwanted nickname for a friend, your sarcastic sense of humor, your belief in God, whatever — your identification with any of it is doing you a disservice. You are not your description.
So Who Am I?
Who are you? You are The Decider. That’s right, baby. Decider with a capital D.
You decide, at all moments of your life, which traits you exhibit. If you decide to adopt a sarcastic sense of humor, fine. But don’t mistake the sense of humor for you. The sense of humor you pick up is no more core to who you are than the clothes in your closet. If you ever decide they don’t fit or you don’t like them, you can throw them out and get new ones. The important part is not what you happen to be wearing today, but that you take responsibility for choosing to wear it.
So take a look at your wardrobe of personality traits. See anything you dont like? Anything you aren’t proud of?
Never be ashamed to change ANYTHING about yourself, as long as you decide to do so consciously and based on YOUR values. Take pride in changing long-held beliefs and habits. Those are the hardest to change. Those are the ones most people never surmount. And those are the ones that separate you from your best self.
I invite you now to reflect. Remember how ignorant that friend of yours is of their poor traits? I promise you, you are equally absurd. Where are your blind spots? What shitty, bad habit do you protect, pretending it is an essential part of your personality?
You are not your bad habits. So root them out. Overcome them. Decide to do better.