Friday night. You stroll into your neighborhood meat market looking to meet cute girls. And what do you know? As soon as you walk in you see a smokeshow standing in the middle of the room with her friends.
Maybe you hover around for 10 minutes before working up the nerve to talk to her. Maybe 3 Jack and Cokes help with that. Maybe you mosey up and ask her where she’s from. Or what she does for a living. Or if she knows where the bathroom is (which you totally try to swing into extended conversation).
Probable result: She’s polite for 20 seconds and then turns her back to you.
Or worse, maybe you didn’t even try. Maybe you got too nervous and never said a word. Maybe you even walk off inventing stories about how rude she probably is or how you “didn’t really want it, anyway.”
Trust me, I’ve been there. And I asked myself more than once, “Why is something as simple as talking to a girl so hard!?”
Short answer: Because you and I never learned HOW to talk to girls in a bar. No one taught us. The way we tried to learn is analogous to trying to learn to play guitar by:
- Sitting down in a guitar shop twice a week
- Proceeding to get drunk with your friends
- Pulling a guitar off the wall once you’re too buzzed to feel embarrassed
- Screwing around for 30 minutes with no teacher and no plan
- Blaming the guitars (or yourself) when after years of this you still aren’t able to get the results you want
Starting today we fix that Over the next week, I’m going to run through the entirety of the first interaction with a girl (broken into several posts, the rest of which will be coming soon). For now, let’s start with the first, and for some dudes, most difficult part: simply starting the conversation.
Obviously there are unlimited ways to start conversations. You could say just about anything and I often do. But there is one thing I almost always do that makes the conversation 99% more likely to go well. That’s what I’m sharing here. (FYI, I’m focusing on nightlife for this one, it works in the day, but I have a special go-to for daytime).
This technique is killer because it is brainless (you don’t have to think), low exposure (you don’t have to risk rejection) and consistent as hell (it flat out works).
I present to you…
How to Talk to Girls: The 5 Year Old Hello
It goes like this:
1) You make eye contact with the person you want to talk to
2) You smile a REAL Smile
3) You fully extend your arm and wave franticaly (like a five year old)
It looks like this:
Rules to make the 5 Year Old Hello work every time
Get her to look at you by having fun- Eye contact is key here. The odds of her responding well shoot through the roof if you catch eyes for a second beforehand. She doesn’t have to be staring, just looking in your direction. The easiest way to draw her eye is to become the focus point of the bar by having the most fun. So position yourself where she is facing you (you can have your buddy have his back to her while you talk to him). Then speak and laugh LOUDLY, dance like a maniac, and take up a lot of space (more on how to do this in part 2, coming in a few days).
Come in one energy level higher than the venue – The exact enthusiasm you project will vary depending on context, but it needs to be one level more than the venue. In a talkative bar that means a smile and an excited hand wave. In a club that might mean a shit-eating grin and an unhinged wave. Key point is you’re bringing the fun to that girl in that venue, not draining it. To do this…
Smile for real – This doesn’t mean bearing your teeth. This means your whole face lights up. The best way to do this is to laugh, for real, BEFORE waving. Tell your buddy you’re about to behave like a 5 year old and pick up hot girls. Think of how goofy that is. And laugh about it while you wave. Your real smile will carry the day.
Be a bit wacky - This isn’t a Fonzie cool guy wave. That can work too. But not nearly as well as the 5 Year Old Hello does. If you want to kill it, you need to accept that this is goofy. So again, go there with your body first. Shake out your arms, unstick your feet from the ground. Make weird noises beforehand. Then let loose!
Commit to it – The point is not to wave for 2 seconds, decide it isn’t cool, and then pretend you were looking at someone else. The wave is called the 5 Year Old Hello because it is silly. Let yourself be silly for a full 10 seconds. Girls will often go from confused, to amused, to smiling and waving back just as crazily. Stick with it.
Dead simple: wave like a 5 year old. And I know this might sound crazy, but JUST TRY IT. Go out. Stand in a group with your friends. Laugh for no reason other than to improve your mood. And when a girl you’d like to talk to is facing you, 5 YEAR OLD HELLO her!
But what if she doesn’t love it?
First off, have fun with it and keep it up. It is normally just a matter of time before girls laugh and wave back. But even if someone doesn’t respond positively, it’s all good. You don’t have to excuse yourself from any conversation. You don’t have to slink back to your group. You just resume talking to your friends. You can easily just go chat that girl up later, because she hasn’t rejected you.
And here’s potentially the coolest part: EVEN IF a girl doesn’t wave back (which is exceedingly rare) EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM WILL THINK YOU ARE MORE FUN. Seriously. They have no idea who you’re waving at, or if you know them, or if they’re waving back. All they know is most people are being boring and one dude is having more fun than everyone else.
Oh yeah, and if (when) she smiles or waves back, go up and talk to her! No one HAS EVER not spoken to me once I have 5 Year Old Hello-ed them. It’s just too much fun. And since they’ve already acknowledged you, you can just go up and say “Hey what’s up I’m [your name] I don’t think I’ve met you yet.” Now you’re off into conversation.
Try this. Just once. That’s it.
Guys who don’t get better with women think, “Oh that will definitely work,” or “Oh that’ll never work” and then navigate away looking for more shit to read. They never try.
Do you want to feel like you have more control over your dating life? Are your relationships with women important to your happiness? Then you owe it to yourself to at least give the 5 Year Old Hello ONE TRY. I’m talking 10 seconds of your life to potentially shift your entire experience of meeting women.
So resolve, right now, to do this once the next time you’re out. Write a note in your phone. Send yourself an email. Take an action RIGHT NOW that ensures you’ll follow through.
So did you make a note in your phone? Cool.
When you’ve given the 5 Year Old Hello a try, come back and comment. Let us know how it went. Boom, bust, AWESOME response, whatever. You owe yourself a shot and the results will surprise you.
P.S. So now you know how to start talking to girls in bars…want to know what to say next? Part 2 will walk you from the introduction to getting her to really like you in about 2 minutes time.