How to Get into a Club: Hack NYC Nightlife Without Spending a Dime

So you want to know how to get into a club.  Specifically, one of those fancy, $350 just to enter / $2000 table min clubs with the pinup models that speckle NYC.

First a question:

From a business perspective, what is a club?

Answer: A club is a freemium marketplace where men pay various amounts of money for the opportunity to hook up with girls.  Some men pay hundreds just to walk in the door.  Others pay thousands for a table in the corner with a bottle of alcohol and the illusion that this will help get girls.

And some men pay nothing for free booze at the best table with the hottest girls.  All subsidized by the guy at the corner table with no girls.  Pay attention.  Cause in NYC, you’re either one or the other.

NYC Clubs – A Breakdown

For starters, if you live in NYC, you know 98% of the time bars are a death trap.  70/30 dudes to girls at best, packed to the hilt.  Like it or not, you are going to want to learn how to get into a club if you’re searching for true love.

Like most marketplaces, NYC clubs are fucking tenuous.  Their cash flow is as flaky as the girls who fill the club.  They rely on promoters and prestige to bring in hot girls.

Hot girls do not NEED the promoter.  The promoter NEEDS them and the club NEEDS them.  Because what they are selling is the opportunity for rich men to hook up with hot women.  The women are the product.  The men are the customers.

I’m not endorsing this.  I’m NOT saying to view women as objects.  I am saying this is the nuts and bolts of why people pay thousands of dollars to walk in a dark room, drink overpriced alcohol, and dance sporadically.

Hot women are VERY fickle.  So clubs pay promoters to work as logistics professionals.  They make sure the girls show up on time, because no girls = no men = no money.  To do that, promoters text the girls every night of the week.  They offer them free food, free booze, and a sense of superiority.

Where do you fit in, bro who isn’t dropping $2K for a $30 bottle of Vodka with a sparkler in the nozzle?

Nowhere!

That’s why you aren’t getting in, no matter how fly your brand new fucking haircut is.

It is pretty awesome though, bro

How to get into a club and hack the NYC scene

Simple: Become the reason the girls are there.

Food, drinks, a sense of superiority — this shit comes easy to hot women in NYC.  It’s offered to them every day in a hundred ways.  They get it from dozens of promoters or the men who fawn over them.

So become the unique draw.  Give the girls what they really want: not booze, not firecrackers — a fucking awesome, challenging guy. A guy who will make them earn it, who is worth it, and whose approval is not guaranteed.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a dime to your name.  If you can make the girls want to be where you are SIMPLY BECAUSE you are there, you’re golden.  Promoters will invite you out because you are making their lives so much easier.  This is why celebrities walk in free.

The good news, is you don’t need your own TV show.  You just need to be awesome.

FYI: This isn’t just nightclubs.  This is life.  Guys try to buy girls in a thousand ways.  Through VIP tickets, and alcohol, and Ferraris, and designer clothing, and prestigious jobs, and fake tans, and literally 99% of what they do.  Most of that shit is fleeting, if not outright useless, because the draw is the expensive toys, not the man himself.

Forget the toys, just be the man.  Nightclubs (and life) will get a lot less expensive and a lot more fun.

Here is how we did it with NYC clubs:

Make cute girl friends

Not girlfriends.  Girl friends.

You will inevitably meet cute girls that you don’t really want to hookup with.  Maybe they aren’t your type, maybe they have boyfriends, maybe they are just so cool that you want to hang out with them all the time and goof off.

If you are on the fence about a girl, don’t hook up with her.  Not only will it save you from hurting her feelings if you hook up and then decide you don’t want to again, it could potentially get you a brand new friend.

So when you realize you are iffy, don’t just walk away.  Break the sexual tension by complimenting them on how “cool” “fun” or “independent” she is.  Make elaborate plans to brunch together.  That should kill any attraction she feels toward you :-)

Be good to her, get her number, and invite her out.

Do this to the point where you have an even ratio of cute girls to dudes, and you can roll into most clubs if you get there at a reasonable hour.

Go early on off peak nights

Friday and Saturday are for suckers.  Dudes are throwing money faster than you can and lots of the girls are from out of town anyway (read: you won’t ever see them again).  Take your posse (and by posse I mean 1-2 girls and 1 other male friend max) out at 11pm on a Thursday to PhD at Dream, which doesn’t get bumping til midnight.  Fine.  Chill and talk to one another.  At least you’ll be in the door.

Be social

Once in the club TALK TO EVERYONE.  Forget your laser focus on the one girl you need to get.  You are building a social circle and are best served by making yourself the outgoing guy.  This will make it easier to talk to people who might be behind tables.
When in conversation, make sure to ask, “How do you know each other?”

Specifically, look for the tables FULL of girls.  I guarantee any table that has tons of girls a few dudes is a promoter’s table.  Walk over with your girl friends and introduce yourselves to anyone there.  Be friendly and have fun.  Ask who they are here with and how they know each other.  They will introduce you to the promoter.  At this point you just have to be cool for 5 minutes.  The promoter will almost certainly take the number of your girl friend and yours as well if you are cool.

Now you are being invited out to clubs for free.

Bring value

As a dude, your mere presence is draining value by default.  If you aren’t adding to the fun, you’re just adding one more sausage to the fest.  Sorry ‘bout it.  You need to earn your entry.

The first times you are invited out with a promoter, make a serious effort to at least be ratio neutral.  So invite your cute girl friends with you.

When in the venue make sure first and foremost that the people at the table are having FUN!  You’d be shocked how quiet people can be as they stand and sip their alcohol.

Smile.  Dance.

Say hello to everyone.  Everything is a warm introduction, so if you don’t know what to say, go with “Hey I’m X [handshake] How do you know [promoter’s name].”  Spend extra time with girls that don’t know the promoter well as they are the most likely to flake and are probably the ones your new promoter friend could use the most help with.  Make his job easy.

Bring cute girls back to the table and introduce them to the promoter.  Tell the girls he is the fucking man.  They’ll want to come out with him and he’ll appreciate the assist.

Keep it up, you’ll be invited out 7 nights a week to party for free at the hottest clubs in NYC.  Free alcohol and pretty girls included.  Not a bad deal.

Check out the 85-page Kickassery for more on living a kickass life.  Once you’ve read it, you can also take advantage of a comped Skype consultation to help answer any questions and get you on the path to Kickassery :-)

3 Comments

  • Anthony Di Muzio 3 months ago Reply

    insightful

  • Justin 3 months ago Reply

    Wow, so simple but awesome advice. Thanks!

  • Frankie Leone 3 months ago Reply

    A MUST READ TIP LIST FOR ASPIRING OR RISING PROMOTERS (trust me):

    -Bring girls. Tall ones. All girl parties over twenty should be paying $400-$500 if a crew is aesthetically right by NYC nightlife standards. Model crews of girls can pay up to $100 per girl.

    -Make sure each member of your crew has photo ID that says they’re 21+. High end clubs never scan IDs. Low end ones and independent ones sometimes do. (They don’t like heat from cops.) If security starts turning away your crew at such a venue bribe them. You can usually work out something financially feasible.

    -Make sure your gay boys are pretty. Also, if you want to make more money ask them to bring girl dates. Almost all promoters who do all-gay parties only make $150-$250. Those who tell you differently are probably fibbing. Women are the most valuable human resource in nightlife.

    -Never come into a club through a lower level manager, DJ, or another promoter. Your pay will be substantially less and you may not get paid at all. Email the event marketer or owner controlling the party you want to work. Ask to come in for a meeting. Negotiate hard and sell your crew. Post-meeting ask them to send you an email outlining your payment, comp liquor allowance, and pay cycle. Email is legally binding. Text message, Facebook message, and verbal contracts are a good way to get yourself robbed.

    -Don’t work Rock N’ Roll parties or ones that play obscure dance music. They lack commercial appeal and tables are generally sold sparsely at them. Top 40 DJs make people want to spend money. This means there’s a bigger budget in the night. This means you can ask for more realistically. This means you are more likely to get paid.

    -Be kind, friendly, and warm to the bottle waitresses and bussers. This will make your night much easier and keep your party together. Flirt with the bottle waitresses, but do not have sex with them.

    -Only work bottle service venues that have a big influx of clients and a doorman with a harsh reputation. This will make you more credible and marketable as a promoter.

    -Mass text, mass Facebook invite, and guerrilla advertise. Hire subhosts if you need to. (Popular, pretty, and magnetic nightlife socialites. Preferably in their first three years of college.) Impose yourself on everyone and develop your insidiousness.

    -Don’t fuck your girls or gays. It’s a sure way to eventually alienate an individual and their friends from coming out to your parties.

    -Avoid participation in gossip and rumors (even if they are about you). Let people talk and keep your mouth shut. If they’re talking about you it’s good- it doesn’t matter if what they’re saying is negative or positive.

    -Work corporate outfits as opposed to independent ones. If there’s an event marketing powerhouse behind a party they have a larger budget, network of clients, better DJ connections, and are much more likely to let in your attractive underage crew members.

    -Never accept per head deals for pay. (Example $7-$10 a head.) Cutting costs is always the suits’ priority. Tallies often end up not reflecting a promoter’s actual production. Ask for a flat. Get the flat agreed to in email.

    -Don’t use drugs or excessively drink. It will cause you to become sloppy, produce less, and eventually burn out or get fired. Promoters die fairly often. (Personally, I have a lot of dead friends and coworkers in my prayers.)

    There’s a good start. Ask me any other questions you may have.

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