If you ask most men how to get girls, expect a disappointing answer.
Money, cars, natural good looks, maybe one of them will even mention humor.
Sure, some women care inordinately about those things. But the truth is, for most women, your force of personality counts for much more. It’s just not in the same way you were taught through most media (holding doors, sending flowers, etc)
Nothing wrong with being a gentleman, but if you want to how to get girls, you need a a different approach.
Take this example:
I play guitar. I’m pretty good. I like to spend my time playing songs I know. Jamming out. Messing around.
I can (and have) put in hundreds of those aimless hours. Doing the same licks I know in random loops. How much better have I gotten?
Hardly any better at all. In fact, I might have gotten worse as I ingrained shitty habits!
But recently, I started spending 15 minutes a day practicing CORRECTLY. I look for songs outside my technical range and play them slowly, drilling the difficult parts over and over and over again. In two weeks I have seen more improvement than I had in the previous two years – no shitting you.
Social skills are the same way!
You can read the newest tactics on how to get girls twelve times, go out every night of the week, and still see no improvement. Conversely, you can read very little, go out 3 times a week and make MASSIVE improvements.
That’s because skill acquisition requires two things:
- You need deliberate, chunkable, active practice (practicing your metaphorical guitar scales and technique)
- You need a framework (a proper structure and sequencing that will let you know where your weaknesses lie so you can focus on them)
**Note** I didn’t say hours and hours of READING. That is the way most guys in the “seduction community” prefer to improve with women. And it is completely backwards. The dude who reads and theorizes and talks and ponders the intricacies of social interactions for hours without getting out of his house will still suck at social interaction. The guy who reads enough to get out there with a decent framework and intelligently works on getting better will kill it.
So here’s how to practice so you actually GET BETTER. Here’s how to snap that cold streak of months or years without noticeable improvement. Dead serious, follow these rules 3 nights a week for 3 months and report back. You’ll be a transformed man.
So . . . rule one:
How to get girls: Rule #1 STOP DRINKING
This is non-negotiable. Would you get smashed and learn how to shoot a basketball? Would you drink before learning to drive a car or play an instrument??
Then why are you doing it when learning how to get girls!?
I know why: because it’s scary. Because you get a temporary reprieve from social anxiety when the alcohol hits your belly and your consciousness fades.
It’s a trick. You’re no better with alcohol. You’re just less aware of how bad you are. It’s masking all the work that you have to do. More importantly, it makes it impossible to improve in any meaningful permanent way. When you go out sober, each night layers on the learnings of the past and builds towards being a kickass dude. When you go out drunk, you are guaranteed to stay where you are and stagnate.
No bueno. If your future relationships are important to you STOP DRINKING. I won’t harp here. Just. Stop.
Now onward and upward . . .
Rule #2 Get a framework
Imagine two dudes. I’m sure you’ve met both of them.
One of them isn’t funny. When he tells jokes, he’s constantly doing the “Oh, I forgot to tell you…” thing. You’re never quite sure when the “joke” is over because it mostly just fizzles.
That guy is haphazard. He rambles aimlessly. He has no system.
Now imagine another guy. He could tell a story about watching paint dry and it’d be captivating and hilarious. He has a feel for the setup. The turn always has a sense of anticipation AND surprise. He comes back to recurring themes that get funnier every time. You find yourself laughing throughout and then doubling over when he hits the REAL punchline.
Kevin Smith gets it.
That dude knows where he is taking you. And you’re happy to be along for the ride. He has a system.
A system is crucial for practicing ANYTHING because it let’s you know where you are and what you need to work on next.
A system allows you to pinpoint exactly what you are doing well, and where things are going awry.
That’s why one guy can tell a funny story and the other can’t. The first guy knows the framework of the emotional journey he needs to take you on. He can fill in the parts as he sees fit, but he knows that there are certain elements that need to be sequenced in a certain way for the story to work.
I don’t recommend it, but that was what was so appealing about The Pickup Artist and The Game. Not any of the lines.
They were a breakthrough for many men (including myself) because they introduced a system so you knew where you stood. So any guy could start at the beginning and know where he was fucking things up. Which allowed him to improve the areas he is weakest on.
Really, you only need to know the answer to one question:
What am I going to work on next?
That’s it. You do not have to memorize every play in the playbook to start learning football. You start with blocking and tackling. Then you move to routes. Then onto god knows what because I never played football.
The point stands: you don’t need encyclopedic knowledge to start getting better. You need to know where you are having trouble in your current framework. And then you need concrete specific tactics for how to practice the next level (more on this coming up).
For instance, if you’re brand new at this, all you need to start a conversation with a woman is:
“Hi I don’t think I’ve met you yet. I’m [your name]”
Boom. Day 1 blocking and tackling covered. That’s all.
Why not you ask? You want to be prepared for the inevitable threesome, right?
Wrong. That obsession over knowledge is actually holding you back. When you find yourself seeking out more and more knowledge without actually putting what you already read into practice, you need to check yourself. Because you’ve become a consumer.
Rule #3 Avoid consumerism
Wuzzuh. “I thought consumerism was buying tons of stuff!?”
Yes. But it is more than that. It is being a passive participant in the learning process.
Reading articles, watching videos, scouring forums. . . this shit is passive. 95% of the people who are learning this spend 95% of their time consuming.
If you’re spending less time actually in conversation than you are reading about conversation, you’re overconsuming.
Consuming is safe and easy. It feels productive. And that’s why it is the most seductive trap. Overconsuming is the number one vice of anyone who knows they can learn to be better with women but hasn’t.
Rule #4 Stop consuming and start DOING.
Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard it before. Stop consuming. Go out and do it.
So you’ll just finish this article (then maybe one or two more) and then make plans to go out and actually practice on Friday night.
Screw that. Start practicing right now.
Identify where you are in your framework. Then identify what comes next. I call this “practicing your edge.”
If you can start a conversation but girls walk away after a minute, you need to work on generating and maintaining attraction. If you can attract girls but can’t make out, you need to work on sexualizing, etc.
If you don’t know where you stand, just start with initiating a conversation.
And if you can think of a specific issue you are having, say that women are walking away after a few minutes of conversation, practice what you wish you’d done instead. I see many men give boring answers to the “Where are you from?/What do you do?” questions so improve those right now.
Practice your better answers out loud. Watch as the words get caught on your tongue. That’s good. Those are reps you won’t have to waste while talking to a girl.
Rule #5 Build Conversational Habits
When I was learning, I’d point at Ben out of nowhere and say:
“You can’t look at me like that and not say hi”
To which he’d respond:
“You’re trouble. My mom warned me about girls like you. They only have one thing on their mind . . .”
And we’d play back and forth. Drilling strong conversational habits until they were reflex.
I will always remember the day I realized the importance of making good conversation a habit. I was 21 years old, standing in a Vegas after party, talking to a stunner A Megan Fox doppelgänger who had previously dated A-list directors.
I was terrified. But somehow conversation flowed smoothly. I didn’t stutter or stammer. The words I needed to start a conversation were in my body. I was able to keep the interaction fun and interesting rather than pelting her with a string of non-stop boring questions like, “Where are you from?” while internally swooning over how beautiful she was.
And when conversation fizzled, I knew where I was stuck. Going for the kiss. So I made it a point to at least make an attempt the next time I was with a girl alone for that length of time. And what do you know, it started to work out.
That is the power of a system and deliberate practice.
Then take it out with actionable, measurable, achievable goals
Last analogy of the day. I swear.
You’re playing Texas Hold ‘Em. You draw two Aces and the flop comes out Ace, Ace, Jack. You go all in. Your opponent calls.
He has a 10, King . . . why anyone with this hand would call, I don’t know. Just play along.
You’ve got 4 of a kind to his pair and straight flush draw. You’ve played the hand right. Your odds of winning are literally 99.9%. That’s damn near perfect poker.
Except in a shit turn of events the next two cards are suited Queen, Jack. Which gives him the straight flush and busts your 4 of a kind.
- Does your loss make you a bad poker player?
- Should you feel ashamed of the way you played?
No and no. Seems obvious.
Why? You don’t judge yourself by the outcome. You judge yourself by how well you played the hand.
We all get that with poker. But with girls it becomes totally different.
We think we are the man after we go out and hook up. And we beat ourselves up when we don’t.
This is the WRONG reward pattern. These are the wrong goals.
The goal needs to be to play the hand well. Which in terms of girls means one simple thing. Practicing your edge.
If you go out and do your edge practice and girls straight up ignore you, awesome. You did the right thing. Give yourself a hand. Be proud.
But if you go out and drunkenly hook up, don’t pat yourself on the back. You may have “gotten lucky” with a girl you like, but what if it doesn’t work out? What happens when you sober up and aren’t as fun or comfortable or interesting?
Don’t be like me when I play the guitar. Don’t just go out and do what is easy. Define your edge practice goals in advance. Set a goal to try a specific tactic 5 times in a night.
Guess what? These goals are the same ones you practiced at home. They will be in your body. So when you get out, you nail them.
Now you’ve combined sobriety, a solid framework, and deliberate practice. Give it 3 months of going out three times a week with this as your guide. You will improve like you never have before in your life.
Are you doing this one thing to make a great first impression on anyone you meet?
Unfortunately, most people aren’t. This one simple fix can drastically improve the quality of your first impressions so people are eager and excited to see you again. It takes less than four minutes to read and is 100% free.