How to Get a Girl to Like You: Bring the Energy
We talked about how to get into conversation with girls in the previous post. What follows is how to get a girl to LIKE you.
And I know what you’re thinking now . . .
“Yeah, tell me! What DO I SAY to get her to like me?” I’m going to answer that question but first, I need to tell a quick story.
I’m out with a student a few days back. He is trying to get a girl to dance. He cracks a joke, asks her to come to the dance floor. “Give me your hands,” he says. Nothing doing. She won’t play along.
I see this and walk over. With a huge smile on my face. I stick my hands out. “Give me your hands,” I boom. She is hesitant. I take a hand and spin her, then I spin her the other way. I pull her in and dip her. She screams and then laughs. She’ll dance with me whenever I want now.
I tell that story to illustrate a simple point: If you want to know how to get a girl to like you, what you say is NOT the most important thing. In fact, compared to what you’re about to learn, it hardly matters at all.
I know, I spend a lot of time detailing what I say. I have a book that goes through word-for-word examples and the exact framework of different stages of conversation. It’s full of words! But all those words are just vehicles for something else . . . something far more important.
That something is ENERGY
I don’t mean any mystical hocus pocus. I’m not talking about casting spells or sensing the color of her aura. By energy, I mean the feelings you have when you speak and the feelings other people have when you speak to them. Energy completely alters HOW you say what you say and HOW other people interpret it.
For beginners, knowing what words to say is helpful. But what will get girls to like you is the energy you imbue those words with. Words are just vehicles. Energy is what you’re delivering in every interaction
“So what energy should I bring?”
Let’s start with this: no stranger cares about your biography. That info is for people that actually care to know more about you. So don’t project “informative.” No one cares.
Instead, spend the first 3 minutes going for FUN. Fun is what everybody in a bar wants. It’s what they’re paying for. And it’s the commodity that is hardest to come by. If you can bring it, girls that were previously closed off will be HOPING you decide to come talk to them.
Break the boring ass cycle of “so what do you do” or “where are you from?” Smack yourself if those words leave your mouth in the first 5 minutes of conversation. Save the commonalities and deep connection for later. Be different. Be fun.
“How do I be fun?” you ask.
How to get a girl to like you: Energy Hacking
Here’s the deal. Your body and your mind are a two way street. You don’t just smile because you’re happy. You feel happy because you’re smiling. You don’t just cross your arms because you feel shy. You feel shy because your arms are crossed. You don’t just take up space because you’re confident. You feel confident because you are taking up space. Yes, believe it or not, your feelings are under your control. You can turn them on and off at will.
And the most effective way to control your feelings is by enacting the biomechanics (body positioning, tonality, focus) of the mood you’d like to feel.
So we know we want to project fun. But how do you turn on the fun feeling?
- Before going out, play your pump up jam. I love Macklemore’s “Can’t Hold Us.” Don’t just listen. Dance and sing like a maniac. If you want to feel good, your body has to go there first.
- Starting on your walk out of your place, hoot and holler for no reason. I have a good friend and Rio Academy student that always shouts “HELLLLOOOOOOOOO” and waves to people on the sidewalk when we walk to bars. Whether or not they respond, he starts to feel more talkative.
- Smile. Laugh. All the time and on purpose. Even if you’re not feeling like it. Laugh like the Joker until it becomes real. ESPECIALLY when you walk into a venue. This is when you’re most likely to revert to a timid state.
- Uncross your arms. Pull your hands out of your pockets. Clap your buddies on the shoulder. Touch people purposely.
- Speak loudly. Increase your volume while talking to friends. Get told you are too loud. Allow people nearby to turn their head when you start to speak. Again, don’t seek reactions, just get used to being a loud presence.
- And this is the money tip. So money I’m giving it it’s own section . . .
This is soooo important. because it affects your entire body (which amplifies the effect on your mood).
The freedom and fun you express in conversation will EXACTLY match the freedom and fun you express with your body. So dance. You don’t have to dance well. You just need to dance FREELY with the aim of having FUN. Take 60 seconds and go nuts. Without looking at other people. Do not allow yourself to seek their approval. Just cut loose like a moron. Smile while you do it. It doesn’t have to look good. In fact, it is even better if it is ridiculous. That will get your mindset out of “try to look cool” and into “be ridiculous and fun to amuse myself.”
If you need inspiration for moves, I like the velociraptor (elbows bent and stuck to my torso, hands out like claws).
Making it real
Here is the thing: reading this quietly at your computer, you might not understand how potent this all is. So do an experiment with me. It’ll take 20 seconds and it might change your life.
Smile. Right now. I’m serious. Do it.
Smile huuuuuge. Laugh. Go ahead and force it. Bob back and forth in your seat. Make it goofy. Shake your booty in your chair. Keep this up for 20 seconds.
Are you doing it? Seriously, you can’t just think this. You have to DO it.
Keep it going for the full 20 seconds . . . this experience can change everything.
Now how do you feel now? Different than you did when you were sitting quietly? It’s crazy, right? You can control your feelings at ANY TIME if you just take control of your body. And when you feel good girls will respond like whoa. After all, EVERYBODY wants fun. It’s why people go out in the first place. And now you’ve got it on tap.
P.S. There are 3 essential components to becoming a man who kills is with women: Energy, Habits, and Mindset. I promise I’ll fill in the words in other posts. But trust me, of all of them, this is the most important place to start!
P.P.S. Being fun is how you get a girl to LIKE you. It is not enough to get her to want to go home with you. Want to know how to generate the other feelings girls need to feel attracted to you and ultimately to want to date you? Check out The Anti-Pickup Line for the entire framework.